Beyonce is fucking pissed at me, guys. At least she was 4 hours ago. I was sleeping and it was in a dream. But it was one of those really vivid dreams that stay with you like bad sushi, and now all morning I have agita that Beyonce is not talking to me.
We were at a fancy restaurant, sitting around a big table with friends (my friends; her friends couldn’t get in) and I did this really hilarious, really spot-on impression of “Beyonce overacting in films”. Everyone laughed of course, but B just kinda sat there with a half-smile, trying to act like she was in on the joke and it wasn’t bothering her, but you could tell that it totally was. Then she started overcompensating by laughing too loudly and doing her own version of the impression… ya know, so she could feel like we were all laughing with her and not at her (that’s so Beyonce) but she was pushing too hard and her delivery was off.
Anyway, I’d like to use this public forum to clear my conscience and make an apology to Dream Beyonce: Sorry, B! I love you very much. You are the wind beneath my Dereon jeans and I would never do anything to hurt you. But that impression I do of you is pretty spot-on, ya gotta admit. Calm your shit.
K, now that the air is cleared… Click PLAY below and have a listen to some audio clips from my recent appearance on the Derek & Romaine Show on Sirius XM’s OutQ. I’ll be co-hosting the show with lovely Derek on Monday, October 4th, from 6-10PM, and will bring with me some very special guests. Tune the hell in!