Tuesday, February 2, 2010

That's So Rainbow! (A Celebration of Black History)

Happy Feb'uary! I know there’s meant to be another “R” in there, but I’ve purposely left it out. For “Racism”. It’s sort of like my version of 1-800-MATTRES (save one “S” for “Savings”), only with a much more profound impact on human rights and tolerance, and without shipping and handling. And as if that weren’t enough, I’m currently writing this to you from the back of the M60 bus. That’s right. The back. Well, more towards the middle, actually. Honestly, it smells no more disgusting back here than it does up front, so I’m not entirely sure what Rosa Parks' issue was, but still… Consider these modest contributions my respectful recognition and celebration of Black History Month. “Hero”, you say? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha – yes, I probably am.

This being my first post of the month, I’d like to take a few moments to acknowledge a few of history's most influential strong black men and women whose fearless leadership has paved the way for aspiring strong black women like myself. They are (in no particular order, and with the most important ones on top):

Malcom X
Frederick Douglass
Martin Luther King (Senior; not Junior)
Justin Timberlake
Christina Aguilera
All of the Backstreet Boys
Harriet Tubman
Oprah Winfrey (except in the films "Beloved" or "The Color Purple")
Shoshana Bean
The Queens of Comedy (especially Kathy Griffin)
Vanessa Williams
Tyra Banks (except when she does the scary "black voice”)
Maya Angelou
Mariah Carey (just her mom's side, though)
Harriet Tubman
The guy from "ROOTS" (What was his name? Oh! Lloyd Bridges.)
Phylicia Rashad (only in “August Osage County”)
Langston Hughes
Jesse Jackson Janet Jackson
So Journer Truth (I’m not sure who she was, but I think she had a show on the Disney Channel before Raven-Symone. Like “That’s So Journer!”, or something.)
Don King
Gayle King
Larry King
Harriet Tubman
Mrs. Butterworth
Vanessa Williams on "Ugly Betty"
Vanessa Williams in "A Diva's Christmas Carol"
*PLEASE WRAP IT UP*
um... Harriet Tubman (Was that actually a real person?)
OH! And Princess Tiana from "The Princess and the Frog" - Disney's first EVER Africanimated-American princess (but only the parts where she's a frog)

Finally, I dedicate this post not only to President Barack Obama (Lloyd Bridges is pictured to your right), but to all the African American presidents out there... be they man or woman; white or half-black.

Thank you, my beautiful black brothers and sisters. This month, we with less rhythm celebrate you. We are humbled and inspired by your legacy and we graciously honor your courageous and ongoing efforts toward equality. Just don't get too used to it, because next month we go right back to normal. Mmkay?


*The blahg post you've just read was intended strictly for comedic and entertainment purposes. If you've been personally offended by it, you can take it up with any one of my many, many black friends. They're all personally offended by me, too.

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