Friday, December 4, 2009

Lactose Intolerance (or "MMOOOOve Over!")

What a week, man. TV's Meredith Baxter came out of the closet; Tiger Woods got caught effin' around; New York senate rejected the bill to legalize gay marriage; and according to paparazzi photos released a few days ago, that guy Jared from those Subway commercials has totally put the weight back on. Needless to say, I’m feeling most betrayed and disheartened by the whole Jared thing.

As for the gays: I would like to repost a quote that I tweeted-ed-ed on Wednesday, upon hearing the news. It is by the Nobel Prize-winning British philosopher Bertrand Russell, and those of you who follow me regularly know that I often quote Nobel Prize-winning British philosophers (*hold for silence and confusion*).

Russell said: “Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.” I love this. I think it encapsulates perfectly what gays are dealing with on this issue, and on a larger scale, what the human race is dealing with on this planet. We, like most species, are ruled by fear – our own, as well as that belonging to those around us. We’re frustrated and we're scared, because after all our time spent here, we still do not have all the answers. No one here has all the answers. Seriously... even Oprah does not have all the fucking answers. It's horrifying. We take our evolution for granted, forgetting that we are still works in progress. And instead of humbly accepting our deficiencies and remaining open to further devolopment, we let instinctive fear take over, and it quickly generates combative ignorance and intolerance for things/people/ideas we just don’t recognize or understand. It's no more than a selfish, stifling defense mechanism to preserve idealized notions that do not exist, but that are familiar, and it's a damn shame that it dictates as it does. I guess until all those panicked homophobe republican closet-cows die out of the herd, we’ll just have to keep tipping their fat asses one by one. (Moo with me.)

Speaking of gay cows, let’s get back to me… I was home in Flaaariduh last weekend for the Holiday. My parents have left my childhood bedroom untouched. It's like the SmithsFAGian Institute. It is a wall-to-wall shrine of everything Broadway and Barbra, and it remained so throughout high school. I would like to share a few pictures, and also to pose this question to the general public: How in the hell did my family have the nerve to act even the slightest bit surprised when I came out??? I mean, look at this decor! They should just consider themselves lucky that I'm not a post-op transexual touring with the Ice Capades by now!

Here is my closet. That's right - this is the actual closet that I came out of. And what a way to make an entrance. Just around the corner is where I kept my extensive CD collection of Broadway cast recordings. (I only listened to them for the articles...)

Yes, I painted the Manhattan skyline around the entire room. And yes, that is a giant poster of Barbra above my bed. I used wish on it every night that I would one day become her... Any day now.

Keep fightin' the fight, my sexy little cows!
"The Bovine Miss R"

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