I’m still digging confetti out of every orifice of my body. No, I did not hook up with Rip Taylor (again,) but thank you for asking. I was at Broadway on Broadway yesterday, the annual concert in Times Square which celebrates the start of the new Broadway season with performances from current and upcoming shows. I think I’m most excited for the revival of Ragtime, which remains one the most thrilling theatrical experiences I’ve had in my lifetime. Though I’ve secretly been protesting it a little until now; certain it was too soon for a revival of that show. But when I actually allowed myself to really think about it yesterday, I realized that it has in fact been over a DECADE since it first arrived on Broadway in 1998, making me sixty years old. A DECADE?! Are you kidding me with this? Where has the time gone, and why has Rip Taylor never called me back?
Oh, who cares.
I’m also looking forward to Roundabout’s revival of Bye Bye Birdie, starring my husband John Stamos, who briefly took the stage yesterday to present a performance of “One Boy” by his young cast mates. I live for that man. Had I known he was going to be there, I would have worn something low-cut and with breasts.
Also on hand to belt out “Who I’d Be” was the cast of Shrek, including Sutton Foster. And speaking of… Over the past couple of years, I’ve had the great fortune to interview Sutton twice (arguably two of the most career-defining pinnacle moments of her extensive body of work. Arguably.) In that time, I’ve received a surprising number of unusual emails from former friends of hers (most recently an alleged high school boyfriend) saying that they'd found my interviews, and having lost touch with Sutton over the years, would love it if I would reconnect them. Really? Am I really the most obvious path leading to this highly prominent and fairly accessible Tony-winning Broadway celebrity? Isn’t this a little like asking Lassie to run and fetch the sheriff? I mean, sure... I'm a pretty well-known and resourceful bitch, but there must be a faster, more efficient way to go... A fan site? Facebook? A message in a bottle thrown into the Hudson River? Something!
This all seems a bit suspect to me, and leads me to believe that Sutton has perhaps been misleading the public about the depth of our relationship all this time. She's probably been listing me as her “in case of emergency” contact on medical and insurance forms, too.
Anyway, I haven't tried to relay any of the messages yet, as I fear it could be awkward. Maybe I’ll work it into our next convo. But in the meantime, if anyone has messages for Sutton, other celebrities, or anyone from your youth with whom you'd like to reconnect, I guess go ahead and leave them with me up here at the switchboard. I’ll do my best to see that they’re delivered.
And Sutton honey? Get a secretary. I'm busy over here. XOXO