Friday, August 21, 2009

Something Old, Something Blue, Something Homo, Something Bleu (or "Good Morning Arnetia!")

Excuse me. Why had I not heard about this BlueGobo shit until now? You know Grandma is behind the times… I need to be kept abreast. For those of you not yet familiar, is a video archive of Broadway clips and Tony performances. It’s like online Musical Mondays, only whenever you want it (and without the overpriced booze and judgment from neighboring fags.) It’s brill. And it’s so well-organized, making searches a cinch. You can search by performer, by year, by title, or by the progression of Liza’s sobriety. Homosexuality has never been easier!

My friend pulled it up at a wine and cheese party he hosted last night, and we wound up having a Broadway Dance-Off until 1AM. (The family upstairs eventually called the police, and my friend has since been evicted, but what fun!)

It was around 11PM when we were heavy into Lillias White circa Once on This Island (and a delicious Camembert,) that I suddenly recalled one of my favorite clips ever, which I’d discovered a while ago on YouTube and somehow since forgotten. It had us laughing until we were barfing Brie and I would like to share it with you now. The clip features Lillias and the 1987 cast of Dreamgirls performing on "Good Morning America." Lil (to your left) is playing Effie, Alisa Gyse (center) is Deena, and Arnetia Walker (to your right) is Lorrell. Now, Arnetia Walker is the main attraction here, so keep your eye on the ball.

The part that kills me comes at around 58 seconds into the video – Lillias has just sung the lyric, “Dreamgirls keep ya dreamin’ your whole life through,” and then Arnetia comes in with the lyric, “Your Dreamgirls can only make love to you.” HOWEVER, Arnetia is apparently so overcome with excitement to be looking fierce in her pink chiffon Bed Bath & Beyond dust ruffle on "Good Morning America," that she cannot even bring her lips together to form the words. And so she winds up singing (entirely through the nose,) “YA DREAMGIRL CANNOLI MAK-A LUMMVV'DA YAAAA-HAAAOOOW!”

I can’t deal with it. It murders me every time. And as if that were not enough... wait for the moment immediately following, when she gives you: touch-and-POINT, looking directly into the camera, as if to say, “Yes, America… I just gave that to you.


Oh God... Here comes the Provolone!

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