Friday, August 14, 2009

If I Only Had a Kidney (or "So Much Happened Before Elphaba Won the Tony")

There was a story on the news this morning about altruistic organ donors; chains of people who anonymously donate their kidneys and other vitals to perfect strangers as an act purely of good will. It certainly made me question my own humanitarianism. I mean, I get bitchy when I’m asked to give strangers directions to midtown. So my kidneys are definitely out of the question. But it was a kidney-warming story, and I applaud all those noble men and women. (Better you than me, suckazzz.)

And speaking of the quest for internal anatomy… MGM’s 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz will celebrate its 70th Anniversary this weekend! I was recently reminded of this fun, faggy fact by a drag queen at Vlada, over a couple of raspberry martinis. (How gay is my life? And how gay are you for reading about it?)

It most likely will not come as a surprise that the film had a profound impact on me from an early age, and it remains to this day. It seems like only yesterday I was gluing red sequins to my little Nike sneakers, wearing my pajama bottoms on my head (a blue ribbon tied around each leg to give the impression of long braids,) and kicking the shit out of the girl who lived next door for thinking she’d prevail in the role of Dorothy when we acted it out in my living room, but of course it was not yesterday; it was Tuesday afternoon. (And lemme tell ya… I still got it.)

But as a young, confused boy, I remember possessing the unwavering belief that I would one day grow up to be Judy Garland. I’m happy to report that, that dream has in fact been fully realized. (Of course, I’d originally hoped circa ruby slippers; not circa alcohol addiction. Be very specific when you’re wishing on your stars.)

I hope you’ll celebrate this weekend by wearing your pajama bottoms on your heads and popping in the DVD, as I intend to. And remember – as Billie Burke once taught us before she was Kristin Chenoweth: If it’s true happiness you seek, look no further than your own backyard...

And if it isn’t there, check the liquor cabinet. That’s usually where I keep mine.

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