Sunday, July 26, 2009

iGrandma

I just got back from the laundromat down the street, and a nice young man, who obviously saw me struggling a little at the front door of my building, broke from the game of catch he'd been playing with his friends to come over and offer me assistance with my laundry cart... True story. I'm officially an 80 year old woman. Next thing you know, my couch will be covered in plastic and I'll be wheeling myself to the supermarket without a bra.

I feel badly enough about myself for even owning a laundry cart. But the schelp from my apartment makes it a necessity. And it is not a cute laundry cart, either. It's a big, clunky-ass, bright blue muthaf*ckin' LAUNDRY CART. Believe me, it's no easy task maintaining one's sex appeal while rolling down the block with that thing. (Yet somehow I manage. It's very impressive.)

I just uploaded the latest software update to my iPhone, and it's highly enjoyable. It has some cute new features that will certainly come in handy; like the cut-and-paste option and voice memo recorder. But can someone please tell me why I'm not yet able to easily send pictures from my iPhone? Is that not the most basic function of any phone next to speed dialing for Chinese takeout? Every antique rotary from 1926 is capable of sending pictures, but not the iPhone. Which is odd to me, considering it can do absolutely everything else. I mean, the damn thing comes with an app for delivering babies, but picture messaging is somehow beyond the realm of possibility.

A few minor complaints aside, I do love this world of Apple. Although I believe it's catering dangerously to the old woman within me by making me less tech-savvy than ever. It's all too easy! Before I was a Mac person, I feel like I was much more knowledgeable about the mechanics of my electronics because I had to be. Now I'm ruled by a series of pretty little icons and flashing update notifications all telling me exactly what needs to be done, and better yet, doing it all for me. If I turn on my computer and it says "a software update is available for your phone", I simply plug into that magical little wire hanging from the side of my Mac, and my job is done. I have no idea what the hell is going on beyond that point. All I know is that by the time I unplug again, I have a brand new iPhone, my kitchen is suddenly clean and my taxes are done. And I can speak French. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying...

In fact, I just ordered Apple's latest device - the iVentilator. Because why should I be expected to breathe on my own if I don't have to? I'm very busy!

Anyhooz. It's almost 3:30 in the afternoon, so I'm gonna go defrost some leftovers for dinner and get to bed.

Love,
Grandma

PS - You look too skinny.

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