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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Oh, Gaud! (or "Jesus Is My Mother")

Where have iiiii been? Where have you been?

I am over the cold weather, you guys. It’s o-fish. That damn March “lion” that shit all over the east coast this week is a real asshole. I’ve been sick as a dog because of him. I’m feverish, I’m headachy and after three whole days, I still can’t swallow! (And in my line of work…)

Aside from all that thrilling excitement, I was on vay-cay in Connecticut this past weekend. I returned Sunday afternoon for the Guys and Durlls opening, which was lots of fun. And after looking at all the photo coverage on BroadwayWorld, apparently more star-studded than I realized. I had no idea so many fancy people were there. In retrospect, I now am pretty sure I asked Mariska Hargitay for another martini at the party. That’s embarrassing. Oh well, I think she got it for me anyway.

On the train this morning, I sat beside a man wearing a gaudily bedazzled t-shirt and matching hat, both boasting the logo “Jesus is my boss.” My first thought was, Um… If that’s the uniform they make you wear, I’m glad I don’t work for him, thankyouverymuch. I mean, I would never work for Jesus personally (cuz the benefits suck and you don’t get off Yom Kipur,) but I will say that if I were to wear such tacky clothing advertising any of my employers, I would be fired. And none of them are even the son of God or anything.

And just yesterday, I saw like four more name-droppers on the same street all wearing t-shirts – all just as tacky – saying “Jesus is my homeboy;” “Jesus is my Savior;” “Jesus is my friend;” “Jesus is my gynecologist…” Dammit! I don’t care what they say about Ryan Seacrest – Jesus is the hardest working man in show business, ladies and gentlemen.

He needs better marketing though. I don’t care who his father is. Jesus has got to spring for some new merch. I realize we’re in a recession, but Jesus.

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