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Friday, January 23, 2009

'Aha!' Moment

Do you ever feel as though – NOW LISTEN TO ME, I’M BEING SERIOUS – Do you ever feel as though no one is on your side? Are you ever left with an overwhelming sense of emotional isolation and total abandonment? Like nothing you’re doing is right? I’d been feeling such a way the past few weeks; like it was me against the world and the goddamn world against me. I felt like everyone was ganging up on me, and nothing I did was acceptable, no matter how much I pretended to make it look like I cared or feigned that I was actually trying. And no matter how convincing my lies may have been (and believe me, they were great lies), it seemed everyone was suddenly extremely untrusting. And that really hurt.

I felt alienated. I felt discouraged. I felt fat.

I was just about to throw in the towel completely, having convinced myself that those unsettling changes I’d been noticing were somehow my own fault... Like they were “consequences” of my “actions”, or something. LOL! Then I realized what was really going on. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it sooner, but sometimes it just takes an objective party to see the bigger picture. And it was my mother – of all people – who finally pointed it out to me: Apparently, everyone is just jealous because I’m better-looking and smarter and more talented than they are.

I know. How could I have missed that???

So I would just like to take a moment and say to all those people, who I now realize have simply been projecting this whole time: Listen…. I get it. To be honest, I guess I sort of suspected it all along but didn’t want to be the one to say it. I want you all to know that I am extremely respectful of your insecurities. And what's more, I humbly accept each one of them as the highest of compliments. But in the future, please come directly to me with stuff like this. There’s no reason I should have to hear it from my mother. Okay? Okay.

I feel much better.

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