Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Happy Gays are Queer Again (or "God Bless A Mexican")

Stop yelling at me! I know it’s been a long time, Bloggities. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my bottom for the love and concern you’ve extended. I’ve received all your thoughtful condolences, but I’m actually still alive! I’ve just been super busy. (And please… next time, in lieu of flowers, a donation to the g-string of some poor, sexy go-go boy in my name will do.)

So much happening these days, heh???: Sondheim is preparing to open a new show at the Public Theatre (a reworking of his musical formerly known as “Bounce”, once titled “Wise Guys”, which before that was called “The Cosby Show” or something – I don’t know); our beloved Patti Lu-Ping-Pong has finally released her legendary 1980 performance at Les Mouches on CD (which, if you haven’t, you must right away); Liza Minnelli is headed back to the Palace; Harvey Fierstein is back in Hairspray; and I’m growing my bangs out again. Everything seems to be coming full circle.

And of course, as a nation, we’ve been granted an incredible and historic glimmer of hope in these bleak times; a beacon of light to see us through our darkest hour and assure us that there is, in fact, promise for a better tomorrow. Obviously I’m talking about that 700 pound Mexican guy who got married a couple of weeks ago. How incredible. I’ve included a wedding photo of him and his lovely wife to your right. Now, that water bottle in his crotch is not the wife (although after what it’s been through, I’d say it will at the very least be entitled to alimony.) His wife is buried and choking underneath him somewhere. Anyway, that story just made me feel better about things… Like maybe there’s hope for my fat Mexican ass too! I’m certainly not giving up now!

OH! And also there was the big election last week. Let’s not forget that. I DVR’d the results show, but haven’t gotten around to watching it yet (I’m still catching up on my 30 Rock) so DO NOT say anything, you guys! Do not.

Last night I was at the ‘Spray to catch Harvey Fierstein’s first night back, and - dammit - it was just fabulous! I’ve seen everyone from Bruce Vilanch to the fat Indian guy who makes my eggs at the deli in that role. And while they’ve all brought something pretty great to it, no one does the magic that Harvey does. The audience, which included music man Marc Shaiman and funny lady Joy Behar, was eating every delicious moment he played up with a spoon and lining up for seconds. After the sixteenth reprise of “You Can’t Stop the Beat” following the curtain call, Harvey was presented with a bouquet of roses by Hairspray’s own birth mother, John Waters. Choking up a bit, Harvey then said a few words: “The last time I was on this stage it was to say goodbye… We’ll be doing that for good in a few weeks, but until then… let’s fuckin’ party.

In other exciting news: Yesterday, my fancy gay ass received a phone call from……(wait…are you sitting down?.... are you drunk?....are you ready??)………..LIZA MINNELLI! Yes!… with a “Z”! Are you kidding me with this??? It wasn't even a wrong number! Like, she totally meant to call me! She was in Italy where she’s been doing the show she will bring to Broadway’s Palace Theatre in December, "Liza's at the Palace!" I interviewed her for an upcoming piece I’m working on about the show which, from what I’m hearing, is certain to knock us right on our sequined Halston mini skirted asses. As Liza said to me (and by the way, that is a phrase you’ll be hearing me use a lot from now on)...As Liza said to me: “WAIT’LL YA SHE ITCH!” Stay tuned for the interview!

My apologies once more for being scarce these past couple weeks. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be back in the studio making a picture for all you wonderful people out there in the dark. This is my life! And I’ll NEVER DESERT YOU AGAIN!............... Gotta go.

Play us out, Ladies!

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