Friday, August 8, 2008

It's a Boy, Mrs. Aiken... It's a Boy!

This just in: America’s favorite water-retaining heartthrob and alleged part-time needlepointer CLAY AIKEN is officially a mother. His very best girlfriend and fellow schmuck-ass JAYMES FOSTER (98, if she's a day) gave birth to little PARKER FOSTER AIKEN on August 8th at 8:08AM. They think it's a boy.

Jaymes was artificially inseminated as Aiken's busy touring schedule did not permit the effeminate superstar time to actually - and this is an official quote from someone I might have heard on some street somewhere - "stick it in." He also likes boys. "Surprisingly" enough, Aiken and Foster are not romantically linked. They just thought this would be a cute idea. It has been reported that the newborn is fucking horrified. We wish them luck.

We now return you to "THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: PARKER FOSTER AIKEN", already in progress...

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