Friday, June 13, 2008

Bird Shit on My Shoulder and Some Gum on My Shoe...How Lucky Can Ya Get?

Every single morning for the past week, as I've walked out the front door of my building and past the mini food mart to my right, I have come LIT'rally within millimeters of falling bird shit. If I could play it back in slow motion, it would be like the famous Matrix bullet dodge, only much less exciting and with doody. And every single morning for the past week, it has missed me...until today. Today (Friday the 13th, of all days) the shit finally hit the fag. The goddamn bird finally put some thought and effort into it and got me good. Though I of course had to run back in and change [into pants that would match the bird shit on my lapel] I could not have been happier. I'll take all the luck I can get. "Thank you, my little irregular pigeon friend! I graciously accept."

I am not too thrilled, however, about the gum I stepped in not five minutes later. As far as I know, there's no hidden luck attached to gum-on-shoe. After spending the better part of my morning trying to surgically remove it with my travel tweezers, all that seems to be attached to it is a couple of pebbles, a cigarette butt, and I think half of someone's chicken sandwich. Nor am I all too pleased about the collection of stray blond hairs that cover my body, thanks to the woman standing in front of me on the train this morning who apparently thought she was Kelly Ripa and we were all there to watch her shoot a Pantene commercial. Watch where you're flippin' it, Lady! There's an angry jewish queen behind all that silky, shiny mess and I'm not talkin' about Vidal Sassoon, mkay? Thanks.

In other news: I was very lucky to have the chance to interview "America's Gaysian Sweetheart", Alec Mapa, just last night. He is extremely lovely and hilarious and intelligent and Asian. We talked about his upcoming show at Joe's Pub for Gay Pride, as well as his roles on "Desperate Housewives" and "Ugly Betty". We dished on divas the likes of Eva Longoria and Vanessa Whhhhhilliams, and even talked a bit about Naomi and Lindsay's recent guest appearances on the season finale of "Betty", and much more. I'm looking forward to his hilar show in NYC at the end of the month, and I hope you all join me. You'll find that interview posted here on The Blahg first next week, and then in HX Magazine shortly thereafter.

I'd like finally to wish best of luck to all Tony nominees (not me), as the big day quickly approaches. I'm hoping for an exciting show this year - the year of the Patti. I've heard through the gay-vine that she'll be giving us "Everything's Coming Up Roses". I was hoping for some "Rose's Turn", but perhaps they decided it would be appropriate to let Bernadette's Tony performance R.I.P., considering it was just five minutes ago. (Too soon, too soon.) In any event, I hope everyone enjoys the show and I'm sure I'll schmooze with you on Sunday night at all the hottest after parties. Look for me, won't you? I'll be the one in the slutty dress banging on the window, trying to get in.

Good lllluck to ya,

Barbra, honey...Play us out, will ya?!...

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