Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A Barrel of Wine, A Fagulous Thrill (or 'In Patti We Trust')

I think most will agree that Sunday's was the best Tony show in years. Whoopi was hysterical, the performances were fantastic (for the most part), Liza Minnelli's impression of Liza Minnelli is getting better every year, and her bra was absolutely stunning. I'm glad she decided to wear it outside of her blouse for us all to enjoy. (Though the outfit would have worked much better had she worn her panties on her head.) In my opinion, Patti Lu-Ping stole the show, giving a performance worthy not only of a Tony Award, but more importantly of a prime-time slot at Musical Mondays. And at the end of the day, that's what these people do it for.

After the telecast I made my way to Ruby Foo's for the "GYPSY" after party, and a couple'a them eggrolls. Tony winners Boyd Gaines and Laura Benanti both arrived shortly after me (smart) and were each greeted with thunderous ovations. Laura looked absolutely gorge, as did her my husband, Steven Pasquale, who I've had a crush on since seeing him in "A Man of No Importance" at Lincoln Center a few years back. He's brilliant. And so is she. I am a little in love with them both (for slightly different reasons.) They are one of those adorable couples I would like very much to live with and have raise me as their own. (Same way I feel about Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, or Oprah and Gayle.)

Making a perfectly timed entrance a half-hour later, unexpectedly and through the back door (exactly how her gays like it) was the star of the evening and of our lives, Patti Lu-Pong! Her ovation rose like a tidal wave; we all heard some homo shriek and fall to the ground, prompting a B line by the entire crowd to the other end of the room, and followed by an explosion of applause, cheering, and camera flashes. Amidst the frenzy, the first words Patti spoke were, "Where's the free champagne??" That's why we love her.

Also dodging enormous platters of neverending soosh and veggie dumplings throughout the party were a few scattered celebrities, including my "dear friend" Mary-Louise Parker. We had a lovely time. Though when I asked if she'd slip me a couple of whatever the hell she was on when she presented earlier in the evening, she refused. Too bad, cuz it looked like it was some good shit. Oh well. Are we the cutest prom couple with our matching plunging necklines? (I fill it out a little better, I know, but she looks nice too.)

Meanwhile, my main goal was to congratulate Miss Lu-Pong and be photographed with her before the evening was over. My plan was thwarted however, when she chose to waste most of her time at the party with her family. And by the time I was ready to make my move, she was already making her way out the door. There I stood with my sixteenth drink of the night, a bit of eggroll stuck in my hair, and having just been snubbed by Patti-Loo. I was extremely vulnerable. When, out of the corner of my eye I spotted a little boy, about 12 years old, headed for the front exit.
"Hey, Kid...", I said, "You in the show?"
"Yes, I am", he sprightly answered as though he thought I was Bernie Telsey.
"You Patti LuPone's understudy or somethin'", I slurred a bit.
"Nope. I'm a newsboy."
"Were you nominated tonight?", I pushed desperately.
"No."
"Well, you'll have to do." (Boyd and Laura had already left as well.) "Get over here and gimme a little Act One 'extra-extra!' from the top for the cameras. *hiccup* Auntie Randy needs something for the scrapbook." He was kind enough to oblige, and thankfully we got our money shot. Who needs ya, Patti LuPone??

(This is original Jerome Robbins choreography, here. I just picked it right up.)


It was on to the Hudson View Bar for the "IN THE HEIGHTS" party, and the newest love of my life...Lin-Manuel Miranda. Who is cuter??? I just wanna kick his teeth in! It was a great party, and I danced the night away with Tony Roberts, Priscilla Lopez, and the entire original cast of "RENT" (sans Idina Menzies, who was not in attendance.) I "accidentally" bumped into Taye Diggs inappropriately about twelve times. I really think he hates me. But I was thrilled that Daphne Rubin Vega totally remembered me from when I did PR for a show of hers last year! It was very exciting. (I, on the other hand, had to ask her to remind me exactly who she was.) Anyway, we're BFF.

All things considered (Patti likes her family more than she does me, Lin-Manuel will never love me back, Laura and Steven are not presently looking to adopt a bitchy 26-year-old, and I barely reached first base with Taye) it was a great evening. Thank you, Tony! Call me later.

Patti Lu-Ping-Pong was not available for comment.

1 comment:

M said...

Hilarious post. Glad I stumbled onto your blog. Love the pic of you as the newsboy; perfect form.