Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bye, Polar.

I'm always complaining about bad news first thing in the morning before I start my day. It's a major peeve of mine. (I'm not really a morning person, you see. I'm not really a night person either. Truth be told, I'm not really a person.) So it was nice to click on the tube this morning and hear a positive and encouraging story for once! Apparently, last night Newark had its first fatal shooting in 47 days! Days. They said the impressive stretch is second only to a time back in 1972 or something, when the city went an entire 60 days without a single homicide. Isn't that just marvelous, how they spun that into a bit of good news for me. And I hope Newark will include it in the brochure. Maybe I'll live there. Oh! And then later, some lovely man on the train gave me a real sweet send-off as we exited and my bag accidentally brushed his elbow ever so slightly, by calling me a "stupid asshole"! Can you believe? In front of all those Asian people who hadn't even had a chance to form their own opinons! "Stupid asshole"!!. The damn thing barely even touched him. I mean, was that really called for? Really?? Whatever, I shot him.

Meanwhile, I'm cold. Where's that good ol' global warming I've been hearing so much about? It's topping out at 39 degrees today, and factoring in the wind chill it will only feel like 12 or something. Luckily, factoring in my hot flashes, it should go right back up to 45. Speaking of global warming, has anyone seen that recent commercial about the Polar Bears? It features some middle-aged TV "actress". I don't know who she is. I don't think she knows who she is. But she's warning us that beautiful Polar Bears are now endangered as a result of global warming. The ice is disappearing beneath them; mothers are not able to feed their young; the chocolaty coating is melting from all of their Klondike Bars (What would you do?). I cry like a pregnant woman every time I see this commercial. I guess my stressed condition as of late is making me a little hypersensitive to everything, and I'm becoming overemotional at the drop of a hat. Do not get me started about that adorable little kid on American Idol - David Cacajuates, or whateverthehell his name is. He had me in hysterics last night with the cuteness. I am going to adopt him and kick him in the teeth, I love him so much. But I digress. Polar Bears! - It's terribly sad. Taking a cue from "unknown TV actress", I would like to implore that you all help me save the bears immediately by cranking up your air conditioners as high as they'll go. And plug in extra refrigerators if you can. Let's cool this planet down ASAP, because without magnificent creatures like these, there will be no coats, rugs, or shoes. Think of the children.

In other news: I really enjoyed Next to Normal, which recently began its run at Second Stage. It stars the glorious Alice Ripley, of whom I've always been a big fan. So it pains me to report that her voice, concordant with a few rumors I heard 'round the ol' tampon vendor, is not at all what it once was. I don't know, she just hasn't quite been the same since she had that lump removed...Emily Skinner, I mean. HOWEVER, she luckily has her incredible acting chops to fall back on, and her heartbreaking performance killed me eleven times.

The musical, written by Brian Kitt and Tom Yorkey, and directed (quite recognizably) by Michael Greif, follows the journey of manic depressive, pill-popping mommy Diana, played by Alice; devoted husband Dan, played exquisitely by Brian D’Arcy James; their teenage daughter, Natalie, trying desperately to simulate an average lifestyle amid personal bedlam; and their son Gabe, whose haunting plot twist instantly shifts the dynamic of the entire piece. The family is quickly self destructing as the result of Diana’s tormented inner struggle between a tragic past and the road ahead, and together (though on many contrasting levels) must work to salvage what they can, while belting and climbing up and down scaffolding. It's top notch “television for women” and red-hot rock opera formulated into a time-release gel cap of farcical dark musical comedy, which dissolves fast to reveal a tender and poignant human story. Great music, too. Check it out!

And please everyone look for my review of Next to Normal in HX Magazine, slated to hit bathroom stalls across Chelsea and Hell's Kitch this weekend!

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