Thursday, October 4, 2007

Randy Rainbow Would Like to Be Your Friend

And now an important message from Randy Rainbow... Bob?? Can we get a closeup on me?? Pull in just a little more. Yeah, that's it..Just frame my face. Yes. This message goes out to Lydia and Jenna and Amanda and Vulva and Beatrice and Uterus and all the other cyber skankities I keep getting friend requests by the trailer-load from every day on MySpace: Ladies...Put your tits away. It should be evident to you by the music preferences I've listed in my profile and the foundation I'm wearing in 36 of the 38 photographs I've posted that I am not buying what you're selling. Scram! Who are these women anyway? Are they real? Or are they hackers just trying to steal my MySpace identity so they can break into my account and post bulletins on my behalf, offering my friends a chance to win 50 percent off their next purchase at Macy's? Which is absurd. I've NEVER offered my friends anything above 30 percent at Macy's. Well, MySpace is silly.

Even with all its imperfections though, I much prefer it to Facebook's crusty old ass, which I was recently forced to join against my will. I'm not a fan. MySpace is so pretty and organized and colorful. (At least My Space is. I don't know what goes on in Your Space.) Facebook is just bland and white and too cluttered. Every time I sign onto it I feel like I'm opening the refrigerator. And it's all over the place. There's so much going on. Whenever I'm logged on I'm like an 80 year old woman trying to work a remote control. Only I don't have the luxury of calling my Grandson in college for assistance. (My Grandson is studying abroad.) Someone really needs to clean that shit up. Also, on all the other sites you get little notifications every time someone updates his profile. Like "Rob just uploaded new photos", or "Jan just posted a new blog". Facebook, on the other hand, posts inane, detailed updates every time anyone does anything. Like "Johnny just had the taco salad for dinner", or "Susan just got her period", or "Mike just took a home pregnancy test." I really don't care.

Then of course there are the more adult "networking" sites I'm sure some of you belong to, (You know who I are), which will remain unnamed, as a few of their titles alone are offensive and this is a family-friendly blahg. I'll only say I find it completely bizarre that from merely browsing these sites I know intimate details about almost every stranger I pass walking up 8th Avenue or sit next to on the N train, including his sexual proclivities and his religion, (and exactly how big his religion is). It certainly is a modern way of getting to know the people in your neighborhood. What ever happened to Tupperware Parties?

Anyway, Friendster, MySpace, MyFace,,,, whatever your poison, all these sites are designed for one purpose: To provide a headquarters for all of your ex-boyfriends to meet one another, become best friends, talk about you behind your back, and eventually sleep together. It's the Circle Jerk of Life. Enjoy.

Randy Rainbow just updated his blog and then went to the can.

No comments: