Email Randy

Monday, October 8, 2007

Don't Rain on My Columbus Day Parade

Happy Columbus Day to all of my Colombian readers. Of course, I am at work, so what the hell do I get out of this schmucky holiday? Except Western Civilization. I know this is one of those half-assed federal things that's only recognized by banks and the post office and a few Tasti D-lites, but I strongly believe that any holiday worthy of a parade should insure my paid absence from work. And on top of that, this observance is actually very special and important to me as an American. So, it's just disrespectful. I think that when Michael Columbus made the Earth round, he was trying to create a symbolic metaphor that we are all so busy constantly running around in circles and working all the time that we forget the things that are truly important in life. And while we're talking about alcohol, if I've been sitting at my desk Googling various cocktails all day, does that make me an alcoholic? I feel like it might. Whatever. I don't like labels. (Unless they say "Gucci", "Prada", "Stoli", or "May result in birth defects if consumed during pregnancy".) I'm not even kidding though, I've been doing that. Oh well. It's almost time to leave. Enjoy the night. Thank you to everyone who made this holiday possible. Thank you Mr. Columbus...Thank you Queen Isabella of Spain...Special thanks to my boss. Without you I wouldn't have to be here right now...(Oooohh, they're saying "please wrap it up".)...Thank you to Nina, Thank you to Pinta, (you look beautiful tonight)...Thank you to that Maria chick from Santana....*music swells*...Thank you! GOODNIGHT!

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