Sitting across from me on the train ride to work this morning, were a young father and his adorable little boy. Probably just 5 years old. The cutest button face, and biggest, brightest blue eyes I've ever seen on a child. With his arm around his precious son, the man held a brightly colored storybook between them for both to share. Dad read aloud, closely into the ear of the little one, who listened so attentively, lighting up with glee each time they reached a part of the story he recognized. (Each time, Dad would kiss him on the forehead.) The child's innocence was striking. He knew nothing of the woes of the world. He had not a worry or a care. All he knew was the safety of his father's embrace, and all that mattered was this storybook. I looked at this heavenly child, and I thought to myself..."Get a fucking job, Kid."
Martha Stewart was on the Today Show this morning, showing us how to decorate our Halloween desserts, and I MISSED the fucking segment because I had to run out the door, into the pouring rain and come to work. Do you see what I'm saying? I cannot miss such segments. This is just another one of many reasons why I cannot possibly be expected to keep a ridiculous day job when I have so much going on right now (e.g. unfrosted Pumpkin Cookies). I wish somebody understood that. I wish I could just sit around and be read to all day like that stupid little boy.
Also all over the news this morning was the clip of Marie Osmond fainting on Monday's live broadcast of Dancing with the Stars. That brought a little happiness to my otherwise dreary morning. It's hilarious. She starts jumping up and down, I guess in anticipation of her scores. Then she shifts, and suddenly Marie starts dancing with some stars that only she can see. Then it's lights out. She wanted to seem all fun and bouncy and it ended disastrously. Hysterical. She's fine, of course. She was just a little bit Klutzy, and she was trying to be a little bit Rock 'n' Roll.
And finally, a message to that excessively vain member of Al-Qaeda on the N train this morning, who could not tear himself away from his own reflection in the window, and was LIT'rally primping from Queensboro Plaza all the way to Grand Central...(Seriously - He all but curled his lashes): Um...Turbans have been out for years. Though I hear toothbrushes and tweezers are making a comeback. Let's start with those, Pretty.
I hope he checks this.