Shana Tova! (or for my Puerto Rican readers out there, Happy Rosh Hashanah!) Meanwhile, I am one of about three people who actually showed up to work today, and certainly the only Jew for miles. ("I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls!") Why did I not think to take advantage of the holiday and take off from work? I should be home lighting a menorah, or fishing for Gefiltes, or on a shopping spree at Bloomingdale's, or some other time honored Jewish tradition. This is ludicrous, and not the black rap star kind. More than that, it's antisemetrical! I would like to make a formal complaint. (Which, coincidentally is another time honored Jewish tradition, so I'd be killing two rabbis with one dreidel.)
To make matters worse, this morning I was faced with an impossible decision. I was offered a ticket to RENT (starring the boys) and a ticket to the MTV taping of Legally Blonde, BOTH NEXT TUESDAY! I was not dealing with my life. It was like Sophie's Gay Choice. ("Don't make me choose!") But after spending my lunch hour reading the Torah on the Kibbutz and being at one with my jewness, I think I've decided to go with RENT, as I just saw LB last week. And while being in the audience of an MTV event would be a hoot, and I'd get to wear a pink shirt, how many good years have Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp got left in 'em? I'd better enjoy while I still can.
Anyway, I'm getting outta here to salvage what is left of my New Year celebration. I'm gonna get wasted in Times Square and wait for the matzah bawllz to drop. Hope to see you there.