Hey, it's me, Two Eggs and Swiss on Whole Wheat.
Every morning, I see your elation to serve the buxom blond ahead of me in line. How could I miss it? It brings a smile to your face that illuminates the entire deli. It's beautiful. And every morning, I wait patiently while you try to flirt, in the hopes that such a warm reception is in store for me too. But every morning, without fail, the moment you bid the buxom blond farewell and turn to take my order, your beautiful wall-to-wall smile crashes to the floor in disappointment, making a loud thud, and tearing right through my soul.
I realize that this busty bombshell is a tough act to follow. She perms her hair to frizzed perfection 9 feet above her head. She wears only the finest acid wash jeans and Bedazzled halter tops, bathes almost regularly, and owns more than half of her original teeth. I can't compete with that.
You make it brutally obvious that I am interrupting you in the afterglow of scrambling her eggs, and I'm sure you're thinking, "Great..Now I have to deal with this skinny little homo." Well, thank you for thinking I'm skinny, but please remember that while I may not have her voluptuous figure, my emotions are extremely voluptuous. I have a heart as fat as her ass, and a big day ahead of me. I cannot begin it without your support.
We've been seeing each other for almost 6 months now. Things have to change. You're not my cup of tea either, but I'd really like to make this work.