Thursday, August 9, 2007

An Open Letter to Guy Who Works at My Deli

Hey, it's me, Two Eggs and Swiss on Whole Wheat.

Every morning, I see your elation to serve the buxom blond ahead of me in line. How could I miss it? It brings a smile to your face that illuminates the entire deli. It's beautiful. And every morning, I wait patiently while you try to flirt, in the hopes that such a warm reception is in store for me too. But every morning, without fail, the moment you bid the buxom blond farewell and turn to take my order, your beautiful wall-to-wall smile crashes to the floor in disappointment, making a loud thud, and tearing right through my soul.

I realize that this busty bombshell is a tough act to follow. She perms her hair to frizzed perfection 9 feet above her head. She wears only the finest acid wash jeans and Bedazzled halter tops, bathes almost regularly, and owns more than half of her original teeth. I can't compete with that.

You make it brutally obvious that I am interrupting you in the afterglow of scrambling her eggs, and I'm sure you're thinking, "Great..Now I have to deal with this skinny little homo." Well, thank you for thinking I'm skinny, but please remember that while I may not have her voluptuous figure, my emotions are extremely voluptuous. I have a heart as fat as her ass, and a big day ahead of me. I cannot begin it without your support.

We've been seeing each other for almost 6 months now. Things have to change. You're not my cup of tea either, but I'd really like to make this work.

1 comment:

doriandelasol said...

Aw, Randy! I love your blog. Super cute! Remember back in the day when you and my sister used to have sleepovers... And now look at you two, all grown up.

Good luck! I'm passing a link on to a bunch of friends.